Best Years Of Our Lives
by loOkMA-iTyPeLiKeDiS
Summary: Seventeen year old Sakata Gintoki decided he'd had enough of the bullshit expectations for his life. He'd planned to be a recluse eating parfaits and drinking strawberry milk for the rest of his life. Well, at least until his life plans were drop kicked by a baby in a dumpster. AU
1. Chapter 1

_felt like writing more PapaGin/Dadtoki. don't take this story too seriously. i sure don't  
_

 _Disclaimer: don't own gintama; plot is all mine_

 _/_

"Big sale on tofu in five minutes! One hundred yen a pound!" A supermarket clerk yelled through a megaphone. "Come get your tofu! One hundred yen a pound! First come, first serve! Don't miss out on this great deal!"

Gintoki ignored the shouting store employee and the old house wives and women jostling each other around the table to prepare for the sale. He burrowed his face further in his scarf to try to shield his face from the cold spring breeze of the evening. It annoyed him that April would be over in about a week yet the weather was still cool in the evenings. Gintoki would have rather been hibernating in his apartment until summertime, but he'd run out of strawberry milk. With Otose still hounding him about not coming to school, he didn't think he could ask her to replenish his stock for the time being.

The sky grumbled ominously as Gintoki bypassed the market and headed inside the convenience store about a block and a half from his apartment.

He sighed under his breath, a bit irritated that it seemed to be one of those overcast days that always reflected the storminess of his mood. It made him kind of nervous. There air was restless and every time he got _that_ particular feeling, something ridiculous always tended to happen to him.

His phone buzzed with a text and he opened it as he headed to his favourite aisle in the convenience store with his favourite drink.

 ** _Stop skipping school! You better be here tomorrow, you brat!_**

As expected, it was from Otose, ever persistent in her attempts to make him return. Of all the efforts from teachers, advisors, and the principal, she was the only one who'd kept up her fervent attempts even though it'd already been three weeks since the school year began and Gintoki had yet to step through the school gates. Then again, she was technically his legal guardian, so he didn't blame her for her refusal to give up. But that didn't make it any less annoying. Gintoki was tired of being bothered by his high school about the school he skipped.

He pulled out all the cartons of strawberry milk he saw in the fridge, gathering them in his arm as he made his way to the checkout counter. He had to hurry up. He'd heard the rumble of thunder coming from outside once again, and it was only a matter of time before the skies opened up.

Gintoki's cellphone vibrated again, this time several times in a row. Why were they so adamant he come to school? He honestly didn't see the point. It wasn't like he was planning on going to university and he had no interest in conventional society or any jobs in conventional society either. Otose called him lazy and irresponsible for this mindset, and maybe he was, but he liked to think he was destined for something greater than being some businessman bored out of his life. Being a recluse or some guy who worked from home and occasionally went out to gamble was more up his alley.

He dropped his cartons of milk on the counter of the convenience store checkout.

"W-will that be all?" the cashier said with a partially flabbergasted smile on her face as she swiped and bagged the literal dozens of boxes of strawberry milk.

"Yeah…" Gintoki responded, ignoring the strange looks other patrons were giving his hair.

He sighed, his decision to be a recluse reinforced by his annoyance at the way people around him tended to react to him for no damn reason. In his first year he'd been dubbed Shiroyasha and for some reason, that stupid nickname had stuck even though he hadn't particularly done anything violent. The name followed him to his second year, and no doubt, his skipping had only reinforced the school's image of him as some notorious teen.

When his phone began vibrating again, he shut it off, deciding he'd had quite enough of human interaction for the day. His cashier gave him his change from his purchase, and once the transaction was completed, he gathered the bags to leave.

It wasn't like he was trying to avoid Otose (though he definitely was). It was just that he didn't feel like discussing his current desire to skip class. And he was tired of that damn old woman constantly checking on him, leaving him voicemails, and trying to get him to come back to school. School was just another place set in stone to control students' lives. He much preferred his lethargic life; he was too lazy to follow a consistent schedule every single day.

When he left the store, it was already pouring outside. The tofu sale had clearly gotten fucked. People were scrambling around with newspapers and purses on their heads to try to escape while the store clerk cried over the ruined tofu.

Yawning, Gintoki kicked a rock and headed out in the rain to go back to his apartment. He'd forgotten his umbrella and in only a matter of minutes—seconds even—he was drenched by the heavy downpour. He felt like a drowned cat. He was grouchy, irritated, hungry, and now his clothes were soaking wet after he'd just done laundry. But still, he couldn't be bothered to walk any faster. He made a mental note to shower and draw himself a hot bath once he got home so he wouldn't get sick. The last thing he needed was Otose going all mother hen on him and smothering him just because he had a little cough.

As he walked past the alley near his apartment, he heard soft crying. It wasn't totally recognisable over the din of the rain so he almost ignored it. For a second, he'd thought it'd been the mewling of one of his neighbours' dumb cats stuck out in the rain, but when he heard the little cries again it started to sound a lot less like an animal and a lot more like the strangled cries of a baby.

He walked cautiously over to the dumpster in the alley. "I'm being ridiculous. There's no way there would be a…"

There was a crying baby inside the dumpster.

He shut the lid and blinked, glancing around momentarily to see if someone was nearby playing some sort of prank on him. But there wasn't anyone in sight since everyone had hightailed it to get out of the rain. He slowly opened the lid again and stared back down at the baby.

Why the fuck was there a baby in the dumpster?!

She was swaddled in a thick blankie, stuffed in a basket and left at the bottom of the empty dumpster. It had slowly filled with water from some of the rain and a tiny bit was now pooled at the bottom of the basket. Some rain had gotten her hair and the soft orange tufts were matted on her head, clinging to her skin because it was wet. The little orange haired baby was nearly screaming her lungs out, her button nose was pink, and her lips looked a little blue. She couldn't have been more than one. Gintoki didn't know how long she had been out in the dumpster, but if he thought it was cold outside, it must have been _freezing_ for her. If he didn't help her, she'd die.

Cursing under his breath, he scooped up the baby and held her close, shielding her fragile little body from the rain. He hurried into his apartment complex and took the stairs two at a time to get the crying girl inside before anyone saw him. It wouldn't do if the landlady happened to see him. She'd think it was his and then she would tell Otose, and shit would _really_ hit the fan then. (Not that shit hadn't already hit the fan since he found a damn _baby_ in a dumpster).

He barged into his apartment and immediately cranked up the heat so it was nearly stuffy in the room. He tried to calm the baby girl down by rubbing her back in soft strokes.

"Shh… hey, it's okay. You're safe now," he murmured to the girl, resting her on his shoulder as he bounced her gently. "Uh… Gintoki's here."

He didn't know what the hell he was doing, but it definitely seemed to be working because her crying became subdued. He rocked the bundle in his arms gently so she would settle down, and her cries eventually turned into small hiccups before she quieted and fell asleep. Her face was pursed in discomfort, but she was breathing evenly and that was enough for Gintoki. Plus, even though her cheeks and nose were still pink, her lips seemed to have regained their colour.

Gintoki let out a sigh of relief, but the gravity of the situation made him feel more apprehension than he ever had before. He'd found an abandoned baby in a dumpster and had no idea what to do about it. For one thing, he'd better get her into some warmer clothes before she died of hypothermia.

He went to his room and carefully—so as not to wake her when he'd already put so much work in calming her down—set her on his bed. He removed the soggy, wet baby onesie she had on and gently towelled her skin dry so she could feel comfortable. He would give her a proper bath later and figure out what to do about the diaper issue, but in the meantime he'd wrap her in a blanket until he could come up with a solution later.

There was a folded piece of paper that had been stuck into her diaper, and Gintoki pulled it out warily. The note was written in the worst chicken scratch he'd ever seen. He was tempted to believe it was written by a child, but there was no way a child would abandon a baby, right?

 _Her name is Kagura, and I can't take care of her anymore. I'm sorry. Kamui_

Well that answered one question. This Kamui person had clearly deserted Kagura. But now it bred new questions: who in the hell was Kamui, and why had they left the baby in a damn dumpster? Gintoki couldn't figure out why anyone would think it would be a good idea to abandon a helpless child in a situation she couldn't control.

Kagura rolled over in her sleep with a sigh as her thumb went into her mouth. There was another folded piece of paper at the backside of her diaper, but this seemed to be some kind of birth certificate, but the only things filled out were the basic information of her weight and length at birth as well as her birthday and other facts that Gintoki didn't understand at all. She was about eight months and seemed to be in pretty good health though.

Gintoki took one of his clean spare scarves and swaddled the sleeping baby so her whole body was cocooned in the warmth. He set her down at the part of his bed wedged against the wall and plopped down on the edge to prevent her from falling off if she rolled the other way. Kagura wriggled around, squirming a bit as if trying to get out of her binds before she settled down again with a small baby burp.

"Now what…" Gintoki ran a hand tiredly through his mop of messy hair with a sigh. He was more exhausted than he'd ever been in a whole year.

He'd acted on impulse and rescued the baby because she'd definitely needed him, but he had no idea where to start or what to do. He didn't know all too much about babies, but he could surmise that they were a lot of work and they were above all else, fragile. And squishy. Gintoki didn't exactly live a baby proof life.

Hell, plus she could have contracted some sort of illness being in that dumpster or wherever she'd been. He really ought to have taken her to a hospital or something first. Or maybe asked some of the neighbours to see if anyone knew anything about the mysterious child deserted in a dumpster.

But part of him was hesitant to inform anyone else of the situation. What would happen to little Kagura if he took her to some government establishment? He wasn't her father and as an abandoned child, she would be sent straight to a foster system or orphanage of some sort. If there was even room for her. He felt wrong abandoning her too. But how was he supposed to be responsible for a baby when he was barely responsible for himself?

He'd give it a day and then tomorrow he'd try to figure out what to do with her. But for now, he'd leave her be. She'd been through a lot, and she deserved a good sleep.

Sighing again, he poked the palm of her free hand. To his surprise, her tiny hand curled around his index finger, just barely managing to wrap all the way around. Gintoki could feel a smile twitching on his face, though he tried desperately to keep it at bay. (To no avail). Dammit. The little shit was already starting to grow on him like a tumour.

Just what the hell had he gotten himself into?


	2. Chapter 2

_/_

"So you see? Otose requested me to pass Sakata's homework on to him, so I need you to bring it to him." Catherine drawled as she crossed one leg over the other. "I'm counting on you."

"Sensei, she asked you," Tsukuyo argued, annoyed by her homeroom teacher's laziness and nonchalance in shucking her duty onto another student. "Do your job!"

Tsukuyo didn't understand why her teacher was forcing her to go bring the homework to that Shiroyasha guy. He hadn't been in school for almost a month by that point. He obviously had no intention of coming back. He was supposed to be in her class this year, but she'd never met him before because she'd never been in his class in previous years. From what she'd heard about him though, he apparently looked like a demon. Crazy white perm and these red eyes that could kill you with a simple glare. The thought of bringing homework to him terrified her.

"This is your job. You're the class rep, Tsukuyo."

"Only because I was out sick the day you all voted! Why don't you send Takasugi?"

It wasn't fair. Mutsu had nominated her as a joke, but then everyone had thought if their class reps were both delinquents their class would have a higher chance of winning the sport's festival. It was some stupid idea that apparently having delinquent class reps would scare everyone into forfeiting. So lo and behold, she'd ended up a rep along with Takasugi who was an _actual_ delinquent from an _actual_ yakuza clan!

"Well as a fellow delinquent," Catherine said nonchalantly, like she didn't care either way, "I figured you could speak hoodlum in grunts like Sakata."

"Again, send _Takasugi_. I ain't a delinquent, sensei." Tsukuyo tried to explain in vain. She got the feeling that Catherine wanted her to go because she was too scared to talk to their residence Cyclops (not that she would ever call him that to his face…)

"Your hair is blonde," she deadpanned, taking a puff of her electronic cigarette and showing complete disregard for respect of the rules.

"This is natural!"

"Well what about those scars on your face?"

"I had an accident as a kid!"

It took all of Tsukuyo's willpower not to scream at the top of her lungs. She'd explained this to so many people hundreds of times, but no matter what she said, they always assumed she'd gotten into a fight with a banchou and got her face slashed by a razor blade.

"Right… In any case, we're counting on you to get Sakata back at school." She forced the envelope full of papers in Tsukuyo's hands when the girl wasn't paying attention. "If he doesn't come back, he'll be expelled, and it'll be your fault."

She hated this damn school.

After being dismissed from the teacher's offices, Tsukuyo dragged her feet back to her classroom to get her bag and leave to fulfil her task of the day. She didn't understand why it was so imperative for her to help Gintoki. He had a mind of his own and made his choice. Why didn't the teachers just live and let live? She had plans that afternoon to buy groceries for dinner, and now this side quest would put her off her schedule. Not to mention the studying she had to do. She didn't even know where he lived.

She headed into her classroom and plopped down at her desk to gather her books for the evening. As she was switching out her notebooks and textbooks from inside her bag and desk, Mutsu pulled a chair up and poked Tsukuyo in the side with her broom.

"What's this?" She gestured to the thick envelope. Hijikata yelled at Mutsu to get back to cleaning duty, but she ignored him.

"I've been sanctioned to bring Sakata all his missed homework," she grumbled, shoving the thick packet more forcefully in her bag than was needed. She zipped it up with an equal ferocity that made Mutsu grin. "I don't even know where this guy lives."

"Ask one of his friends." Mutsu flipped open her phone and started texting someone. "Last year he usually hung out with Tatsuma's dumb ass and that long haired, glamorous rich guy in 3A. Oh and Cyclops."

Tsukuyo's brow skipped in surprise at the revelation. It was starting to sound more and more like Gintoki was actually a delinquent. He had to be to some extent if he was hanging out with the heir to a yakuza clan. Granted, Takasugi didn't really do anything in class but sleep or text, but his eyes (eye, really) were terrifying.

She blanched. "He's friends with Takasugi?"

"It was nice knowing you." Mutsu drawled.

"This isn't funny!" Tsukuyo collapsed onto her desk and groaned into her arms. All she'd wanted was to finish her las year of high school without any issues. "If they're friends, why can't Takasugi do this?"

"Why can't I do what?" A bored voice drawled beside her desk.

Tsukuyo's head shot up at his sudden appearance. Her throat went dry as he stared them both down, his figure looming and gaze cold. It was hard to believe she was the same height as him, but his presence was so domineering and dangerous it made him seem a lot taller.

"Check Sakata's pubic hair," Mutsu responded quite seriously when Tsukuyo didn't say anything. "Tsukuyo wanted to know if they're the same colour as the hair on his head. Silver pubes must be a sight to behold."

Takasugi's scowl deepened, and she felt like he was piercing a hole in her head with his eyes (eye…). Tsukuyo kicked Mutsu under the desk to get her to stop before she got them both killed.

"Do you know where Sakata Gintoki lives?" Tsukuyo quickly amended. "I need to bring him his school work."

Takasugi told her the address and she marked it on the back of her hand so she wouldn't forget. "Tell him he owes me money. If he doesn't pay me back by the end of the week, both you and he will suffer."

Her heart nearly stopped. " _What_? Why me?"

"Collateral damage," he said as he stalked off, hands in his pockets.

What the hell?!

"They say he lost his eye in a coup in his clan. He killed every traitor, fighting to the death to protect his inheritance. When all was said and done, he stood over a sea of dead bodies, drenched in his old comrades' blood, shedding tears of agony over having to kill people he once loved. He took his own eye as a forever reminder of what he'd had to do," Mutsu said in a reverent tone, nodding in respect as she watched his retreating figure. Tsukuyo stared at her like she'd grown two heads. "Or so the story goes. In any case, you're a goner, Tsukki."

It was official. Tsukuyo wanted nothing to do with Gintoki and his crazy friends ever again after this. She would bring him the work and never talk to him or go near him again. This wasn't fair! She just wanted to live out a _normal_ third year, get into a good, _normal_ university, get a _normal_ job, marry a _normal_ man, have a nice, _normal_ family, and then finish out her _normal_ life comfortably. But for some reason, the universe was conspiring to make her last year hell. And everyone kept pinning their responsibilities on her. How she'd ended up affiliated with delinquency, she'd never know. It bugged her, considering Mutsu was the one who'd gained the title of Banchou in her junior high. Mutsu was the one who beat Sakamoto up nearly every day. Yet Tsukuyo was deemed a delinquent because of her genes.

"Mutsu, I hate you…" She fake sobbed into the crook of her arms as her friend patted her head consolingly.

"There, there, Tsukki. On the bright side, you get to find out about the mysterious secret life of our Shiroyasha. …Also, can I have your manga if you never come back?"

/

Tsukuyo was glad that Gintoki at least didn't live too far from the school. The walk wasn't as long as she expected, and the people of the neighbourhood were friendly as she walked through a marketplace. She bought herself some fresh croquettes to munch on as she made her way to the address Takasugi had given her.

But that still didn't quell some of the trepidation she had over what she could find when she got there. What if he was already in the throes of some delinquent activity and she ended up caught in the crossfire? She would end up being one of those cases of poor high school girls who just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time and met an unfortunate demise.

Tsukuyo was distracted from her thoughts when Mutsu sent her a text.

 **hinowa wants your clothes (*＾-') 乃  
**

She renamed Mutsu as 'Bitch' on her phone and Hinowa as 'Traitor'.

When Tsukuyo came up to the complex, she was relieved and pleasantly surprised to see that he lived in a normal place. She took the side stairs to his level and checked the label on the doors until she ended up in front of the one with Sakata. She poised her hand to knock and announce her presence when the noise inside briefly deterred her.

The first thing she heard was a bellowing smoke alarm, and someone inside was really cursing up a storm. She was a little confused by the tumult she could almost clearly envision, but she sucked up her reservations and knocked loudly on the door.

"Sakata Gintoki? It's Tsukuyo from your class, Class 3B." Well, his class if he would come to school. She raised her voice so he could hear her properly. "I brought you all the schoolwork you missed so you could catch up."

There was a crash that sounded like furniture hitting the ground and along with it, a string of expletives that could make someone's grandma blush. He still didn't respond to her, but Tsukuyo was sure she was hearing crying. It was partially garbled by the raucous ringing of the alarm, and she wondered if he was in there seriously hurt after some fight.

Tsukuyo didn't know what the heck was happening in there, but she was rattled by what she was hearing. She was tempted to just leave the work in the mail slot and leave. What was happening in his apartment was none of her business, and honestly, curiosity killed cats. If she stuck her nose in his business, she could really be getting herself stuck in a situation she would want no part of. But when she heard that crying noise again, she fought against her instinct for self-preservation and tested the handle. The front door swung open to the smell of something burning.

"Hello?" she said, walking inside the foyer cautiously. "Is everything…"

The apartment was an utter mess with books and clothes littering the floor. There was black smoke coming from the kitchen and the fire alarm was going wild. Gintoki himself was sitting on the couch, holding a screaming orange-haired baby and trying to get her to drink some carton of strawberry milk. He looked exhausted out of his mind, his clothes were in disarray, and pieces of food were stuck in his hair.

"Be a good girl and drink the milk, Kagura," he pleaded sweetly with the baby.

Tsukuyo froze in the foyer with eyes wide in shock.

Who the fuck's baby was that?!


End file.
